As you can tell by the pictures, I spent the first 36 years of my life not showing any interest in exercise or nutrition. At 36 years of age, after having two children back to back, a 200# pound frame, losing my Mum to ovarian cancer and my own diagnoses of thyroid cancer followed by the thyroidectomy, I knew I had to make a change. I was going to die young if I didn’t change some things and fast! I didn’t want my two baby boys to grow up without a mother.
I started out at Pilates a week after my Mum’s death with a good friend @stacyeleonard (who forced me out of the house and to class – thank you, friend), I lost some serious weight. I felt great- motivated, and ready to fight for change. After a few months, I started CrossFit and never looked backed.
A few years later, I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling that high anymore. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t relate to the people in my everyday life, and didn’t like my physically improving body even though I should have been over the moon. I just didn’t understand why! I had it all – including ownership in my own CrossFit gym. Why did I feel this way??
My amazing husband took my by the hand, cried with me, fought with me, and helped me walk into the new stage of my life, by my side, ready help me shoulder some of the burden of what was happening inside of my brain. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and probably had it my entire adult life. I needed to surround myself with people that truly loved me and would help me overcome this.
We decided to sell our ownership of the gym and move closer to family. And we are so thankful we did.
Fast forward two years, I was at the top of my game. In 2016 I managed to climb my way to top 7% WORLDWIDE in my age group in the CrossFit Open. I was the fittest I had even been and then the hammer dropped. Two blown rotator cuffs, two shredded biceps, and a bum elbow took me out of the game. In 2017, I had both shoulders repaired. I could not be that athlete anymore.. I have struggled every day since searching for my new normal.
Today, my priorities are very different. I don’t need to be the strongest, fastest, or compete with the people next to me. I just need to be better than the person I used to be, mentally and physically and I don’t need to be that competitor and it’s OKAY!
When I say to my clients, whether it’s the overweight, the depressed, or the competitor who is striving for top performance, I feel your struggle. I can relate to where you are at this moment, I can relate to having that desire but not knowing how to begin, and I can relate to wanting to be the best but feeling your worst.
We can all strive to be better but we certainly can not strive for perfection. For some of us being 60 pounds lighter but still being the biggest or slowest in the room is OKAY! We just have to look back once to see how far we’ve come. Even just writing this is therapeutic because it’s easy to forget what is important.
Surround yourself with people that love you and want the best for you. All is not lost and you are worth the effort to be healthier. In both body and mind!